We’ve all been there. It’s one of our lowest moments. Maybe you got fired from a job or your spouse throws insults at you or your parents just keep restricting you. For me, it was the plummet of my grades.
After the pain, people who you trust and love try to encourage you by saying, “It’s going to be okay,” and maybe they add in a little “I promise” or “because you’re strong” in there. The message is that, in the end, things are going to go how you want them to go.
I have always found issue with this saying. I never ever felt good when someone told me that it’s going to be okay. Oftentimes I feel like replying, “OK but I want it to be okay NOW.” It’s not really a promise someone can make, life ending up good for you. It’s not motivational either, in my opinion.
For me, “It’s going to be okay” just sounds like “I’m not really sure how to make you feel better but I can’t admit that right now so I’ll just make this promise that I don’t really know how to fulfill: It’s going to be okay.”
Don’t get me wrong. I understand why saying this might seem like a good idea. It’s comforting to know that things will be okay. However, they often don’t. The fact of the matter is that things are currently not okay and I’m not sure if it will. You can’t tell me that it will be since you, like me, are a human and can’t tell the future (exception if you can tell the future. If you’re one of those lucky few, this post isn’t for you. Also will my dog live until 20?)
Instead of saying that things will be okay when you’re uncertain, I find that the saying, “This will pass” is more helpful and more accurate.
Whatever you’re going through, it will pass. I’m not saying that you’re going to become a millionaire or you’re going to get your dream job. I’m just saying that if you’re in some shit right now, that shit will pass. Maybe some more shit will take its place but if we’re speaking in hypotheticals then maybe you know how to deal with those future shit.
For now, this will pass.
In this way, you’re not lying, but you’re also being more encouraging. If someone is going through a bad breakup, that will eventually pass. Don’t say “You’ll find the perfect one eventually” because you don’t know that. Say “This will pass” because maybe that person remains single their whole life and then redirects all their attention to their old banjo and becomes a famous banjoist and becomes–wait for it– happy.
Things don’t always end up how we want them. However, this will pass.