Anyone that has ever gone through any kind of recovery will tell you that it’s difficult. In my case, I’ve been struggling with both self-recovery and assisted recovery for about five years.

It is not a happy process. It is not a forgiving process.

It’s so easy to just stop and go back to your ways because that’s easy. Recovery is not.

I had to relive the worst experiences in my life to a stranger, I had to try to change how my brain has been working for the last two decades, and I had to try and forgive the person in my life who has done nothing but ruin it: myself. That is only some of the excruciating things I have had to go through.

For what?

Motivation once did not have a permanent place in my life. However, since I am working towards the goal of being better, it is now a requirement. I have to remind myself why I am going through all this and I have to do this constantly. I have to find what can keep me going and hold on tight to it.

This is how I’ve been going through recovery. To be honest, it’s not any better, but knowing my motivation gives it more sense, more substance. I am not only working on myself just to work on myself, but I am working on myself for something else.

What I’m trying to say is that recovery has never, is not, and will never be easy, but it’s damn well worth it when you know why you’re doing it.

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