There are weeks that are more brutal than others. This week was not good to me. I was exhausted most times of the day even when I got enough sleep. Maybe this was because my doctor removed one of my medications recently. Or maybe it’s just the nature of the world right now to have people tired, because it didn’t seem like it was just me.
Let’s talk about fears.
I’m afraid that after a while of feeling good and feeling productive, this will be a foreshadowing of me plunging down again. This is something I notice that I think about a lot. How do I look for the signs of me not doing good? If I mess up, does that mean my whole routine will be messed up? Is it okay to call in for a day or will that throw me off my game?
I’m also afraid of giving up. Or maybe looking like I’m giving up. Or both?
I’m afraid of acknowledging my feelings. I know that it’s okay, but what if it interferes with this life I’m trying to make? What if it ruins everything for me? I’m scared of that.
Maybe it’s not accurate to call recovery an upward slope, because I’m sure I will slip up and I have slipped up and I will continue to slip up. But when I do, I need to remind myself of why I’m doing this anyway. Maybe that’s the key.